Wednesday, March 21, 2012

"It's time for women to stop being politely angry." - Nobel Laureate Leymah Gbowee

Now I gotta tell ya, when a group of old white guys start worrying themselves into a fit about my inner workings, it makes the hair on the back of my neck go up. And Monday it was standing at attention, and quivering.

I gotta admit, however, Monday’s Senate hearing on HB954 was educational in many ways. Just like an IRS tax audit can be educational.

A fine example of a teachable moment was when the ever fussy & dweeby Representative Doug McKillip tried his darndest to explain the new McKillip Math of “our weeks” and “their weeks” to his fellow committee members. At one point, I could swear I saw steam coming off his pointy little head.

Nearest as I could make it out, Dweeby figures that conception begins the moment the sperm is released and starts frantically searching for an egg, like a sugar crazed four-year-old on Easter morning.

Now this is important, because the clock starts ticking at that precise moment towards the 20-week HB954 deadline limit, for a legal abortion and the criminalization of doctors.

As McKillip screeched on, my mind began to ponder Dweeby’s "personhood" moment, or as I call it, “Sperm Finds Egg Theory.” I would think that precise sperm-egg moment would be pretty darn hard to pinpoint. It seems reasonable to think that really only the sperm knows for sure, and he ain’t talking. Smoking a cigarette maybe, but definitely not talking to anybody but McKillip.

All during Dweeby’s testimony and even during questioning of the panel of medical and legal experts, the terms "our weeks" and "their weeks" continued to stump them all. His fellow committee members sitting around the table never did get it. Throughout the meeting, they would continually ask Dweeby, “Now, are we talking about ‘their weeks’ or ‘our weeks?’” It was all pretty weak, if you ask me.

Gosh darn it, you just can’t make this stuff up. It was like listening to that old baseball comedy routine, Who's on First  
– only not funny.

Now all this talk about "their weeks" and "our weeks" made me a tad nervous. I'm thinking we had better start guarding the weeks we have left, or we will find them stripped away along with all our other reproductive stuff. So gird “your weeks” ladies, especially if you see Dweeby McKillip coming your way. I think we should all tear a page out of our calendars and send it to McKillip and tell him we want our weeks back.

During Dweeby’s testimony and convoluted explanation of ours versus theirs weeks, I glanced over at the medical and legal experts who were waiting to testify; they had that astonished wide-eyed disbelieving look of those uninitiated in the political process. You see that with newbies, bless their hearts.

When it was their turn at the microphone, they each explained how in the medical & legal field, contraception and pregnancy is calibrated to real math. Now I gotta say real math (although not my strong suit) has been working pretty darn well for sometime now - for most folks, that is. However, it is just not precise enough for the minutiae-obsessed Dweeby.

As is the usual course of action under the gold dome (a widely recognized logic free zone), these good ole boys, ever fact averse, totally discounted the compelling testimony of the medical and legal experts and gave Dweeby his votes, or at least the Chairman said they did. We will really never know, it being a voice vote, and Chairman Unterman denied a call for a confirming hand vote. Even the politically astute were wide-eyed at this blatant example of Georgia democracy in action.

Jay Bookman of the AJC has written an excellent accounting of Monday's meeting.

As is his habit, he brings insight and clarity to this six-hour debacle. Read it and weep. I suggest you print it out and stick it in your calendar under July; then take it out and read it just before you go to the polls to vote in the primary. That ought to get the hair on your neck up and your dander too. Moreover, it should put you in the right frame of mind to pull that lever.

As they say, one picture is worth a thousand words; however, HB954 seems worthy of at least 2,000 words, so I have included two photos for your review and an editorial graphic.

Dweeby McKillip at the hearing - in near fetal position - trying to cipher out his new "weak" math on paper.

Classic Dweeby, as he resorts to counting on his fingers or as I call it, Dweeby's digit math.

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